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Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!