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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.
drinks well with others.