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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.