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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
The black sheep always have the best stories.
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"