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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
Bad decisions make good stories.