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Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
Whoever is in charge of making sure I don´t do dumb stuff is fired.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.