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You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
When life gives you lemons... all you need is tequila (and salt).
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.