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If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.