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real eyes realize real lies
I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...