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The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!