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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
If I was a mortician I`d tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.