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I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
is in no shape to exercise
It`s not a mental breakdown if the police wasn`t called.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.
I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m