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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day