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I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.