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Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
The most expensive part of having kids is all the booze I drink.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.