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It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.