Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!