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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally