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It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.