Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?