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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.