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I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!