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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?