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Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone