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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
Survival rule #1: You go first.
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.