Daily Silly Status

Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"

I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...

Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?

Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.

I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant

I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.

My New Years Eve = Hangover 4

Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.

I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.

Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.

When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.

if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.

One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.

If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?