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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
Long story short, I love summaries
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.