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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.