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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
Some people just need to be clothes lined
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.