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Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.