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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore.
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted