Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.