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How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.