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My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
Word for the day is asstard
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!