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I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.