Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Hash browns not tags.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers