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take me drunk i`m home
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
I tried to be a Rap Singer once. Sadly my rap album, `I Respect the Police & the Risks They Take to Keep My Community Safe`, didn`t do too well on iTunes.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.