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Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
I have off-road rage, too
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was ugly, I`d be broke as hell because I`m a sexy beast!!
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.