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I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?