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Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch