Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A wise man once said nothing.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.