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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.