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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
I put the pro in inappropriate.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.