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My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.