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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
Being normal is boring.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!