Daily Silly Status

My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.

I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.

Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer

Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us

Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!

If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently

Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new

I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!

Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there

The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.

Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)

Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?

I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.