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Keep calm and drink on.
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.