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Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.