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Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.