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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much Iām going to eat this week.
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...