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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone