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There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.