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Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
It was all so different before everything changed.
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
"Are you even listening to me?" is a weird way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.
Reincarnation is my only hope.