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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.