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Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
My sleep number is 100 proof.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.