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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.