Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Line forms here for spankings