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I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?