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I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
So you have 820 friends on Facebook and yet no one was around to take your picture when you decided to use the mirror for a good shot?
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.