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I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.