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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.