Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.