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Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!