Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.