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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"