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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!