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There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2