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My girlfriend said we can`t hang out this weekend because she doesn`t really exist.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.