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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
"You`re better than that" is almost never true
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
Saying “do I smell popcorn ” right after you fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.