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When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…