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Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.