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Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`