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Does this status update make me look fat?
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...