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“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
You know you`re getting old when you`re looking forward to some time off so you can have like three doctors appointments.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
it`s friday o clock
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!