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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie