Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I`m murdered because I don`t want him to remarry
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.