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So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
I don`t think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!