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Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
Ever wonder why divorces are expensive? Because they are worth it!
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!