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"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.