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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.