Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How to make friends: 1. Tell people you have weed.
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.