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I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
I can`t believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone