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Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.