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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.