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I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
I wish karma would send me email notifications.