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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears