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If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.