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Somedays I could do without the life lesson
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.