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There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
That`s a horrible idea ... What time?
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.