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If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles