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Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Iwent to Office Max to buy a drawing board, but they were sold out. I guess it`s back to the....oh rats...
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.