Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
Anything is legal when there`s no police around