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I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."