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A wise man, will often say nothing
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...