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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
When I say "It’s a long story" It usually means I just don’t want to tell you it.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"