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The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.