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My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
Everytime I see a person jogging I already know they have facebook, everyone on facebook works out.
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.